


Fog Makes People Thirsty

by dweetwise



Series: Adventures of Dummy Thicc Reader [4]
Category: Dead by Daylight (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Crack, Dummy Thicc Reader, F/F, F/M, Non-Consensual Groping, Non-Consensual Touching, One-Sided Attraction, Sexual Harassment, reader/everyone - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:06:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25444387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dweetwise/pseuds/dweetwise
Summary: Reader is happily dating her new boyfriend, when all of a sudden half of the killer roster seems to get the hots for her. Luckily, she knows how to take care of herself. (crack but please mind the tags!)
Relationships: Pyramid Head (Silent Hill)/Reader
Series: Adventures of Dummy Thicc Reader [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1841287
Comments: 17
Kudos: 172





	1. Killer Thirst

**Author's Note:**

> for a prompt that requested killers making moves on dummy thicc reader

“What the hell is wrong with your buddies lately!?” you complain to Pyramid Head. Ever since the two of your started officially dating, the others killers have been shamelessly thirsting after you in trials. The pyramid tilts in a question and he grunts inquisitively. ‘What did they do?’

“Where do I even begin?” you sigh in annoyance.

* * *

It started when you were minding your own business, peacefully working on a generator. There had been no sign of the killer and you were just starting to zone out in a daydream about muscular thighs covered by an apron, when you heard a nearly inaudible _click_. You’d glanced around in confusion before spotting Ghostface laying prone on the ground behind you, camera pointing up at your backside and taking photos of your ass from a lewd angle. The killer chuckled at having been caught as you took off in a sprint, but not before angrily kicking the camera from his hands.

The next trial, you were up on a hook and decided to attempt escape. You reached up to the hook, trying to pull your body weight up, back arching in effort and breasts jiggling from your heaving breath — when you heard a fucking _wolf whistle_. The killer, the Legion boy with a bandana, was looking at your efforts, leaning cockily against a nearby tree. “What the hell do you want?” you spat, glaring at the teen while still trying to struggle from the hook. The killer shook his head in amusement before doing a crude gesture with his hands, making you falter in surprise and your grip on the hook slip. What a brat!

You’d barely had any time to complain about the two masked killers to your friends, before you were whisked away and to a trial where you’d had to deal with the Clown. “Don’t run, pussycat! Come on over and give daddy some sugar! HUEHUEHUEUGGHH _COUGH COUGH!_ ” The killer had been even more disgusting than usual, yelling obscenities while tunneling and camping you for all five gens. You found yourself almost missing the gross wheezing and coughing the killer normally did, as it was much preferable to whatever the hell _this_ was.

When you’d faced Deathslinger the next trial, you almost already expected an inappropriate comment when he found you first. But he just chased and downed you normally—huh. “Gotta love a gal with some meat on ‘er bones,” the killer finally drawled when picking you up on his shoulder, hands squeezing your love handles. Ah. He just waited for the right moment. When the cowboy hoisted you up on a hook, he’d leaned closer than necessary, muttering a suggestive “Lemme know if yer ever itchin’ fer a ride,” in your ear before leaving to hunt your friends.

When you faced Freddy, you were already prepared for your inevitable doom. Sure enough, soon the perv had you slugged and was standing over you, looking awfully smug. “ _I’m_ you boyfriend now, honey cheeks,” he’d chuckled menacingly. “Not even close,” you argued, rolling your eyes. This crispy bacon twink didn’t stand a chance against your _real_ boyfriend, buff as all hell and delightfully mischievous. You sighed happily at your daydream, tuning out Freddy’s incel monologue in the background. Soon enough, the last gen got done and you were up and running with adrenaline, leaving Freddy to bite the dust.

Your next trial was against the Pig, and you’d felt elated. _Finally_ a female killer! Your joy was short-lived though, as you were soon cursing out the Jigsaw boxes with a beeping reverse bear trap on your head. When you cut yourself on the damn thing again and had to remove your hands to start over, there was an unmistakable sound of a flicking switchblade before you felt a warm, soft body pressing up against your back and a heartbeat blaring in your ears. “Let me help you with that,” the killer had purred in your ear, voice muffled by her mask. “Wouldn’t want to ruin such a pretty face,” she said, running a finger down your cheek. With her so close, the timer had paused and you were able to search the last box without the threat of your head getting split in half, which you could sort of appreciate.

The last trial you had was with Myers. Surely the taciturn killer would stick to killing you? It always seemed like his only interest in life was murder. He was running his no heartbeat build, which, not ideal but you’d take what you could get. It made you jumpy as hell and, wouldn’t you know it, the next corner you rounded he was standing right there and you nearly bumped into him. Myers raised his hand and you prepared for the stab— when he decided to grab your boob instead. You both froze and you should probably have been offended, but the way his hand just awkwardly rested on your breast was not sexual in the slightest. He tilted his head, giving the flesh a slight squeeze that made you squeak in surprise and _goddamnit you were not above slapping him_ — when Myers recoiled away in disgust and did a complete 180, smacking face first into the wall in his haste to get away from you.

* * *

“ _That’s_ what happened!” you end your story, crossing your arms and looking at Pyramid Head demandingly. “So, do you have something to say? It seems awfully convenient they decided to perv on me as soon as we made this official!”

The pyramid turns away in shame.

“ _Babe_. What. Did. You. Do,” you try again. There’s a sigh. And then he whistles and makes an hourglass shape with his hands. And then, to your mortification, he does an air thrust.

“ _Oh my God_ ,” you mumble, burying your face in your hands in shame. Great, he told all the killers about your… assets, _and_ that you’re sleeping together. But why would they approach you and risk his wrath? Unless…

“Did you tell them we’re dating?” you ask. Pyramid Head snorts, and points at… his crotch. Wow, eloquent. “Yeah, you told them we’re fucking, congrats,” you snark, rolling your eyes. “I don’t think they know that we’re, y’know, exclusive. Because they, or at least some of them, weren’t just teasing. They were definitely, uh. Propositioning me,” you clarify.

He’s silent but you can feel him tense up. Then he hums, demanding. ‘Which ones?’

“Uh. The cowboy at least. And that one Legion — actually, you know what, they were all really fucking out of line and need a stern talking to. Err, gesturing to,” you tell him.

To your surprise, he doesn’t just snort and keep cuddling you. He stands up, placing you gently back on your feet before squaring his shoulders and drawing his sword out of the ground, a dark energy radiating off him.

“… You’re not planning on talking, are you?” you ask warily. Not that you particularly care about the well-being of the killers who have murdered you countless time. If anything, it’s kind of hot that Pyramid Head wants to defend your honor like this.

He chuckles darkly, giving your shoulder an encouraging squeeze. ‘Let me handle this’. You watch your boyfriend leave to go find his _friends_ , sword dragging ominously behind him.


	2. Survivor Thirst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i got a request to continue this with survivors, so here it is!

Following Pyramid Head’s warnings (and in some cases, a very big sword through the gut), the killers, thankfully, seemed to leave you alone, sticking to chasing and killing you normally.

Even the Entity appeared to notice your annoyance, not calling you into trials quite as often as usual. That left you with more time to hang out with your friends and sneak out to Midwich to see your boyfriend, and you couldn’t help but think of how nice it was to get a break from the crazy shenanigans and embarrassment of the last couple of weeks.

Unfortunately, you couldn’t have been more wrong.

It all started relatively innocently when Steve, after a trial, excitedly bounded over to you.

“Hey y/n, feel my shirt!” he said, a neverending smile on his face. You tilted your head in confusion, before reaching to grab the hem of his sailor costume shirt. It felt like normal fabric, a kind of cheap polyester, and you failed to see what the big deal was. Did he wash it or something? “It’s boyfriend material,” Steve finally quipped, smile morphing into a smirk at his own punchline. You rolled your eyes and playfully shoved the teen away, hiding a small grin of your own.

The other survivors watched the exchange with varying levels of amusement. You thought they were just laughing at the horrible pick-up-line, but it would later become apparent that they took it as an invitation to try to get into your pants.

“Are you close with your father?” Ash asked you out of the blue when you were sitting by the fire, stoking the logs with a stick. The question took you a little off guard; normally, the man was all jokes and extravagant tales of his youth, and you never would have guessed he’d actually be interested in your past. Before you managed to answer, you saw a grin spreading over his lips. “Because you look like you need a daddy,” Ash leered, gaze glued to your generous cleavage from where you were leaned over the other side of the fire.

If you’d been able to reach him over the flames, you’re pretty sure you would have slapped him. As it stood, the disgusted scoff you made was sure to get the point across.

But then, there was Yui.

“So, uhh…” the biker started uncharacteristically meekly, approaching you in a semi-secluded spot in the corner of camp. “I saw you with the Pig the other day…”

Oh, _fuck_. If Yui had seen the killer glued to your back and sensually stroking your face, she must have gotten the wrong idea.

“Yui, shit, um,” you sputtered nervously, causing Yui to glance at you with hope shining in her eyes. “I don’t swing that way.”

At least you think you don’t. You’d always thought Yui was really pretty, but in a completely no homo way. Like right then, you could objectively see that she’s quite attractive, her crop top and short shorts showing off her muscular build—

Yui managed a quick apology and an awkward laugh, and you cleared your throat and squeaked out an “It’s fine”. Your eyes, as of their own accord, were glued to her ass when she walked away.

Okay, maybe a little homo.

If only Nea had been as sensible as Yui.

“Y/n, over here!” Nea called, waving you over when you walked back into camp after a stroll to Midwich. “Did I ever tell you about my cat?“

“No, not that I remember,” you said, sitting down next to her on one of the logs. “I know you like cats, though.”

“Mm-hm,” Nea agreed, her innocent smile morphing into something much more mischievous. “I sure do love a good pussy,” she practically purred, eyeing you up and down.

“You little _brat_ —” you hissed, jumping back up on your feet while your face flushed red.

“So that’s a no?” the tagger had the audacity to _wink_ at you, and you moodily walked over to the other side of camp to avoid the temptation of smacking her in the face with her own purple flashlight.

It couldn’t even have been a full day before you caught Dwight sneaking glances at you. He blushed furiously every time you noticed, and eventually you just let out a small sigh and made your way over, eager to get this over with.

“Something on your mind, Dwight?” you asked with a friendly smile, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and even sitting down a respectable distance away from him so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

After a minute of nervous sputtering and trying to ignore the question, Dwight finally managed to spill the beans. “Feng said you, um, wanted to… k-kiss me?” he squeaked. You sighed long and loud, causing Dwight to nearly have a nervous breakdown. You tried to reassure and reject him without too much of your annoyance shining through, all while thinking of creative ways to get back at Feng for another one of her dumb pranks.

A couple of days must have passed and, thankfully, no more embarrassing incidents occurred. You were just about starting to think the others had managed to get it out of their systems, as no more potential suitors were lining up to ~~harass~~ woo you.

And then you unsuspectingly leaned over a log to rummage through your stack of items to look for a med-kit, and…

“Nice arse, luv!” David hollered from the other side of the campsite. In an instant you were up on your feet, glaring daggers at the brawler who didn’t look the least bit sorry.

When David proceeded to throw in a wolf whistle for good measure, you hurled your med-kit across the camp, turning on your heel and stomping out into the woods. Judging by the dull ‘thunk’ of the item hitting wood and David’s roaring laughter, you’d missed your target—his head.

Eventually you came across Jake in the woods, sitting quietly by a cluster of trees and stocking some of his toolboxes.

You slumped down next to the saboteur with a huff, crossing your arms and trying to think of how to get revenge on David. Jake glanced over in acknowledgement, but didn’t say a word before getting back to his task.

You felt some of your anger dissipate in Jake’s calming presence, watching him work with methodical composure. Jake may have been be a little anti-social, but at least you could always count on him to never think with his dick—

“We should fuck,” Jake said and your mind screeched to a halt.

“I beg your pardon!?” you squawked, causing him to finally turn to look at you properly.

“I think you’re hot. Do you wanna fuck?” he said, the same infuriatingly calm expression on his face, acting like he didn’t just proposition you in the crudest way possible.

You furiously stomped back to the campfire, leaving Jake alone with his tools and an angry red handprint on his cheek.

Upon your return the others, thankfully, seemed to sense your mood and nobody dared to bring up the David incident, leaving you to sulk in a corner in peace.

And then, Ace got back from a trial.

You saw him swaggering over, an annoying cocky grin on his face. He opened his mouth and—

“ _DON’T_ ,” you warned, lifting your finger to interrupt him while giving him your dirtiest glare. Ace raised his hands up in surrender while one of his eyebrows cocked up in question. “I’m sick of being perved on! You guys are the worst!” you complained, taking the opportunity to give David the stink eye from across camp.

“Actually, I was about to ask if you’d like to play a game of cards?” Ace inquired, genuine curiosity in his voice. “You’ve seemed on edge for a few days, looked like you could use a distraction.”

You blinked in confusion at the words. “Oh,” you weakly managed, a blush rising on your cheeks and feeling a little bit like an idiot. Seems like chivalry isn’t dead after all—

“So, strip poker?” Ace suggested, the sly grin back on his face.

“You FUCKING—” you yelled while Ace’s hearty laugh echoed across camp.

* * *

“So if you happen to come by any moris, nobody will really mind,” you finish your story, looking up at Pyramid Head with a sickly sweet fake smile that fails to betray just how much you’d like to get petty revenge.

There’s an echoing chuckle from within the pyramid, and then a couple of inquisitive grunts while he draws a hook shape in the air.

“Camping and tunneling?” you ask, feigning ignorance. “I think those are just legitimate strategies.”


End file.
